Lord Bonkers' Diary: Unpleasant scenes outside the hall

If you heard jeering on you way into the spring conference at York, it appears from that it probably came from militant young badgers. And good luck to them, I say.

Thursday

I am summoned to the residence of the King of the Badgers, which is to be found on the Bonkers Hall Estate, beneath the triumphal arch I had erected to celebrate the victory of Wallace Lawler in the 1969 Birmingham Ladywood by-election. 

He tells me that the younger badgers have seen Ed Davey’s video opposing the replacement of Winston Churchill by a badger (or other form of wildlife) on the five-pound note. The king, as ever, is a force for moderation (much good it has done him when it comes to the badger cull), but he warns me that feeling is running high and that some of the aforementioned younger bs are all for picketing the Liberal Democrat conference in York. 

I thank him for the tip and hurry away to telephone the leader of the Chesham Bois. During this call I emphasise that the party doesn’t want any unpleasant scenes outside the hall and, to ensure he complies, let slip that our British badgers are close relations of the fearsome honey badgers – you want to be wearing a cricketer’s box down the front of your corduroys when one of those fellows is around!

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week...

• In the corners, nooks and crannies
• “It’s not your aerial, it’s your constitution”
• Look out for the Chesham Bois