Lord Bonkers' Diary: Bonfire Night at the Hall

Saturday

Soon it will be Bonfire Night again, and here at the Hall we pride ourselves on having the best blaze for miles around. For weeks I have been having my men collect fallen trees and the roof timbers of evicted cottagers and the resultant pile of wood has not grown to quite dizzying proportions; nor should the efforts on the Well-Behaved Orphans in collecting kindling be overlooked. A supply of rockets, Catherine Furlong wheels and the like has been laid in, and Meadowcroft has provided us with a sack of potatoes to bake in the embers.

Only one detail remains to be settled: whom shall we burn in effigy upon the top of the thing? Recent Bonfire Nights have seen such unpopular figures as Mr Anthony “Tony” Blair, President Bush and Steve McClaren play a starring role; this year prominent candidates include young Gideon “George” Osborne, the Lord High Mandelson and the contestants and judges from the moving television’s “X Factor”, I am able to announce, however, that a straw tableau depicting bankers quaffing champagne upon a yacht will be set ablaze atop the Bonkers Hall bonfire this year.

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