Lord Bonkers' Diary: Swine flu parties

Normally I do not post his lordship's diary until Liberator has been mailed to subscribers. As most subscribers will be collecting their copy from the magazine's stall at Bournemouth I shall be posting his latest thoughts over this weekend.

Monday

This summer has been dominated by talk of “swine flu”. The wireless news reports have come thick and, indeed, fast: a woman in Biggleswade has a sore throat; a schoolgirl in Kendal is feeling a bit under the weather; a man in Dingwall has stayed in bed and not gone to work, but hopes to get up later because there is a film on Channel 4 he would like to see.

Physicians have advocated various cures or palliatives: some swear by this new Tamiflu; others cleave to the traditional standby of oinkment.

One controversy has been the advisability or otherwise of “swine flu parties”. I am strongly in favour of them: this flu bug does not seem as terrible as all that and it has been very good for my pigs as they have got to meet many new people. Scrubbed to a gleaming pink, they have presented themselves at people’s houses and been entertained to a slap-up tea; in return, they have been able to display the fine table manners I have taught them and learned to engage in polite conversation.

An advantage for the hostess is that she can be sure that every last morsel of food will be consumed.