Lord Bonkers' Diary: He was never one to resort to underhand methods

Lord Bonkers continues his survey of Liberal Democrat prospects at the next general election, perhaps becoming a little sidetracked in the process.

Caithness, Sutherland and Easter Ross

Caithness, the most northerly part of this most northerly of mainland Scottish constituencies, was once the seat of Sir Archibald Sinclair. It is an area best known in recent decades for the Dounreay atom plant, with its habit of spilling nuclear waste on to the neighbouring beaches.

Sir Archibald, the grandfather of the current member, was a gentleman, a fine leader of our party and a friend of mine; certainly, he was never one to resort to underhand methods to deprive the bookies’ favourite for Liberal Democrat Parliamentary Party Moustache of the Year 2014 of his rightful prize.

I am not saying that John Thurso used atomic waste to make his moustache grow so luxuriantly, but shouldn't he come forward and clear the matter up once and for all?

That said, I have no doubt that he will win again this time.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week in Lord Bonkers' Diary

"Top Secret: Burn Before Reading"

The mint cake workers of Kendal

There can be no doubt that he was Terribly Sorry

The Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey Railway

Armed with pitchforks and flaming brands