Lord Bonkers' Diary: The Democratic Unionist Party meets the Rutland Water Monster

And so another week with Lord Bonkers draws to a close. His diaries appear in each issue of Liberator magazine as well as on this blog.

Sunday

It is the day of the annual fixture between Lord Bonkers’ XI and the Democratic Unionist Party. The Ulstermen are rather pleased with themselves, having had handfuls of banknotes stuffed down their trousers by the Conservatives in return for their votes.

Playing the DUP is always something of a trial: they will not allow two to their batsmen to be in at the same time in case it leads to immoral practices.

During the tea interval I hear them saying that there were never any such as thing dinosaurs. I have a word with my old friend Ruttie, the Rutland Water Monster, and she makes a point of sticking her head in through the window of their team bus and sticking her tongue out as it prepares to pull away.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

• The inside story of the fall of Tim Farron
• How Matron keeps herself in gin
• “Why can’t we have a woman as leader?"
• Meadowcroft and the magic money tree
• How to keep Vince Cable lithe and limber
• A glimpse of Theresa May's girlhood