Lord Bonkers' Diary: How to keep Vince Cable lithe and limber

The old boy goes on about that cordial so much that, despite his complaints at its cost, I would not be surprised if he were on a percentage from the Elves of Rockingham Forest.

Friday

Vince "High Voltage" Cable keeps himself lithe and limber with his ballroom dancing, but if he is determined to be leader – and there does not seem to be anyone else prepared to pick up the mantle - then he needs to look to his health.

I stop him in a Westminster corridor today to give him some advice. "You need to bathe annually in the spring of eternal life that bursts from the hillside above the former headquarters of the Association of Liberal Councillors in Hebden Bridge," I say.

I also offer to introduce him to the Elves of Rockingham Forest. "You want to get your hands on some of their cordial. They do drive a hard bargain. though, so don’t accept the first price they offer you. Still, you’re an economist so you should know all about that."

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

• The inside story of the fall of Tim Farron
• How Matron keeps herself in gin
• “Why can’t we have a woman as leader?"
• Meadowcroft and the magic money tree