Lord Bonkers' Diary: "I see you have woken up and smelt the coffee"

After the frightening implications of yesterday's entry it is a relief to see Lord Bonkers returning to what he does best: giving hospitality and passing on the fruits of his experience to a new generation.

Saturday

It has long been my custom to invite new leaders of our party to stay at the Hall so I can measure the cut of their jibs and impart a little of the wisdom I have gained over the course of a long career in public service. 

The latest in this long line of guests is, of course, Ed Davey. We pass a sociable if socially distanced day, with Davey telling me all about his "listening tour" – his next port of call will be Fife Zoo. I see that he is put up in a comfortable bedroom in the East Wing when it is time to retire and, as a special treat, I have my new Morning Coffee Maker placed on his bedside table.

I am woken in the small hours by a terrific explosion. Snatching up my twelve bore, I hurry to the East Wing, whence the sound came. I find poor Davey sitting up in bed, drenched in coffee grounds – clearly my prototype is in need of a little fine-tuning. Seeking to lighten the mood, I remark: "I see you have woken up and smelt the coffee."

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers Diary...

• Thursday: Tinkering with a cafetiere
• Friday: Bottomley went to gaol and Stead went down with the Titanic