Lord Bonkers' Diary: "I’m much cheaper than those elves, dearie"

It appears that Rutland's alternative medicine sector is robustly competitive. There really was a Wise Woman of Wing and I for one am not going to try telling the Elves of Rockingham Forest they don't exist.

Tuesday

Lunch with the High King of the Elves of Rockingham Forest, who tells me of their plans to help during the new lockdown: "We like to think of ourselves as putting the 'elf' into 'welfare'." 

In my experience these fellows seldom do anything without there being a profit in it for them, but I keep my own counsel as it wise not to get on the wrong side of them – one of the Revd Hughes's predecessors at St Asquith's was turned into a toad and eventually moved to a parish in industrial Cumberland by the ecclesiastical authorities. I

In the afternoon I call on the Wise Woman of Wing and purchase some of her herbal remedies as a precaution against the virus. "I’m much cheaper than those elves, dearie" she tells me, "and what’s more my shit works."

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers Diary...

• Thursday: Tinkering with a cafetiere
• Friday: Bottomley went to gaol and Stead went down with the Titanic
• Saturday: "I see you have woken up and smelt the coffee"
• Sunday: Buffy the Umpire Slayer
• Monday: "One of the bonobos has taken over for the time being"