Lord Bonkers' Diary: Much fun may be had from a pig sty

A welcome reappearance by Albert, who long ago wandered into these diaries from A.A. Milne's Toad of Toad Hall. And if this satire is crude, then so is the government it is satirising.

Tuesday

Nowadays the average Conservative is interested in but one thing: money. This allows those of us who are more liberal-minded to have sport with them. 

All you need do is securely tie a fiver to a length of string and wait in the saddle until a Tory happens along. Then, having made sure he has sighted your fiver, you set off across country at a brisk trot: your victim is sure to follow. 

Lead him across ploughed fields, over stiff thorn hedges or into a bog as the fancy takes you. Much fun may be had from a pig sty and even more from the many rivers stuffed with sewage by Thérèse Coffey. 

As my loyal carthorse and habitual mount for this purpose, Albert, remarked the other day: "It’s better than the pictures."

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Earlier this week...

• We no longer teach even the half Opik