Lord Bonkers' Diary: The other animals would lay their disputes before the kangaroos

Liberator 418 is out. You can download a pdf of the magazine free of charge from its website.

Which means it's time to spend another week in the company of Rutland's most notorious peer. 

Lord Bonkers' ordeal in the gorilla costume came about because I had to miss an issue of Liberator because I was caring for my mum. She was amused when I told her where I had parked the old boy.

Tuesday

Alarmed by tales of children identifying as cats, I telephone the headmistress of the village school and Matron at my own Home for Well-Behaved Orphans. Both assure me that there is nothing in the story: in short, it’s Perfect Rot. 

I turn instead to my editorial for this week’s High Leicestershire Radical and decide to give beans to those calling the Commons Privileges Committee a ‘kangaroo court’. 

I make two points. The first is that respect for Parliament lies at the heart of our democracy. 

The second is that when, a couple of years ago, I had the misfortune to be confined in a zoo for some weeks – you may recall I wore a gorilla costume throughout my ordeal – I was impressed by the way the other animals would lay their disputes before the kangaroos. Somehow their antipodean informality (“She’ll be right, mate”) and mastery of courtroom procedure allowed these engaging marsupials to arrive at resolutions that both parties found fair. 

If I were Nadine Dorries (which I admit is unlikely) I should not relish facing the class action that the kangaroos of Queensland are bringing over certain of her dietary preferences in that programme where everyone is stranded  in the jungle.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.