Lord Bonkers' Diary: Waddling across the Oakham road and pulling faces at the motorists

I'm pleased to see that Ruttie remains in rude health, and it wouldn't be a visit it to Bonkers Hall without the Well-Behaved Orphans. And so another week with Rutland's most celebrated fictional peer draws to a close.

Sunday

Who should I spy on the lawn at breakfast but my old friend Ruttie, the Rutland Water Monster? Between you and me, I think she is getting jealous of all the attention being paid to Loch Ness. The next thing we know, she’ll be waddling across the Oakham road and pulling faces at the motorists to get in the papers herself. 

Later I call at my Home for Well-Behaved Orphans as they are having a film show. The little inmates have voted amongst themselves to decide the main feature and chosen The Colditz Story.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10

Earlier this week....

• Their eyes hollow from think-tank reports and self-abuse
• The outside risk of drowning
• Have a Go with Thérèse Coffey
• A Norman Lamb dhansak with naan bread
• "You didn't argue with Violent"
• "Call them Orkney and Shetland"