Lord Bonkers' Diary: Conservative members are now attacking their real enemy... each other

Quite who Lord Bonkers' scouts and agents are remains a mystery even to me, but there's no doubt that the old boy is very well informed.

The Rutlandshire trot-hound cropped up in one of the first of these diaries. It's a hunting dog noted for its stamina and very small ears - the latter mean that it cannot be made to fall into a deep sleep by its quarry reading left-wing pamphlets at it.

Friday

Labour members, my scouts tell me, are not happy with the early weeks of their government. Tipping buckets of cold water over old age pensioners and sticking out their tongues at Belgians is not what they thought they were signing up for. 

Conservative members, by contrast, are as happy as a Trot-hound with two tails because they are now attacking their real enemy: each other. Informed sources suggest their current leadership contest will come down to a fight between Robert Jenrick and Kemi Badenoch.

Jenrick, I am told, is a useful fellow to sit next to if you want a planning application approved, while Badenoch has been described as putting the ‘bad’ into Badenoch. Come to think of it, she’s put the ‘Enoch’ into Badenoch too.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week in Lord Bonkers' Diary

• The only estate in England with a breeding population of corkindrills
• My hereditary peer peers
• In case they get peckish during Lent
• The maintenance of the Rutland Union Canal