Lord Bonkers' Diary: In case they get peckish during Lent

Jonathan Meades says beaver tastes "like spaniel dipped in cod liver oil", so I don't see selling off the whole colony to a fishmonger as the way out of Lord Bonkers' troubles. You will say that he doesn't mention that possibility in this entry, but I know how the old brute's mind works.

Wednesday

What to do about the beavers? Back in the Sixties I might have asked Violent Bonham Carter’s boys to have a quiet word with them: “Nice dam you’ve got here. Pity if anything happened to it” – you know the sort of thing. But those days are gone, so I have instead been asking around to see who might be able to help. 

This morning I struck gold. It transpires that one of our new MPs from Cambridgeshire, Pippa Heylings, is expert at smoothing over the tensions that arise in communities when beavers are reintroduced, so I feel sure she will make them see reason. 

When I was picking the Revd Hughes’s brains the other day, he mentioned that our Roman Catholic friends count beavers as fish in case they get peckish during Lent. It sounded Rather Far Fetched, but when I phoned my old friend Father Alton he confirmed that it is the case.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week in Lord Bonkers' Diary

• The only estate in England with a breeding population of corkindrills
• My hereditary peer peers