22:41 You join me in the Library at Bonkers Hall.I am not holding a party with champagne and Tizer as I did for our last victory. In these days of austerity it behoves one to set an example - besides, have you seen the price of Tizer these days?
The wireless is warming up, I am wearing my MCC tie and Gentlemen of Rutland blazer and, so as not to be entirely alone, I have an inflatable E.W. Swanton in the chair opposite me.
Sláinte (as they say at Brig o'Dread).
22:45 The Uppingham tones of Jonathan Agnew reach me through the ether.
22:50 It is raining in Sydney. Typical low Aussie trick.
22:54 It is raining but the sun is shining - clear evidence of trickery of some sort.
22:58 While we are waiting for play to start, let us enjoy a short film...
23:02 Paul Collingwood leads England out in the sun.
23:04 The strains of Jerusalem reach me over the airwaves as Anderson opens the bowling. I seem to have something in my eye.
23:07 Anderson completes a maiden and its Tremlett to open the bowling from the Clive James end.
23:10 Meadowcroft has joined me to play Land of Hope and Glory on the clarinet. I turn down my ear trumpet.
23:12 Does anyone have Des Wilson's phone number?
23:14 It's 10 minutes now and we haven't taken a wicket. What has happened to us?
23:15 If they hold out much longer I would favour taking hostages.
23:20 It has been suggested to me that Des Wilson comes from New Zealand. No matter: deep down these fellows are all the same.
23:24 Far away in the Rutland night, a wolf howls.
23:25 Going off for rain!
23:28 I once made a fifty against Jacques Cousteau Undersea XI. We didn't worry about rain then. The Aussies should get their flippers on and go out an lose like gentlemen.
23:35 Nanny says it is long past my bedtime.
23:38 The covers are coming off. They will not escape us.
23:44 And now it is raining again! I think I shall have a doze until play starts. Meadowcroft is already snoring.
00:05 I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes. And we have play again.
00:09 Swann coming on from the Olivia Newton-John end. Good move.
00:17 It's a bit like waiting for the result of a by-election when the Acting Returning Officer is a stickler for procedure. But do not lose heart. England will win.
00:19 I think my inflatable E.W. Swanton has a slow puncture.
00:26 Syd Little out! c Anderson b Swann.
00:28 I permit myself a snootful of Auld Johnston, that most prized of Highland malts.
00:30 The Hilfenhaus School of Architecture was all the rage in the 1930s, but I never cared for it myself.
00:34 We are taking the second new ball. Up the snoot, Christopher!
00:36 In fact my inflatable E.W. Swanton is perfectly well. It is Meadowcroft who has the slow puncture.
00:39 An LBW shout, but the umpire is implacable.
00:40 Meadowcroft has gone off to his potting shed in anticipation of the shipping forecast... missing Hilfenhaus getting caught behind!
00:42 Our two previous innings victories took place during the shipping forecast. Can we make it a hat trick?
00:43 Sir Geoffrey Boycott is advancing the thesis that tailenders do not like it up them.
00:47 Beer on strike. This could be it!
00:49 Then again...
00:50 Anderson has hit Smith in the midriff. There is nothing at all funny about that. And now he has his 50.
00:54 Australia are hanging on grimly, but just one wicket is needed.
00:56 Beer Bowled!
England complete a third innings victory during the shipping forecast!
And so to bed.
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