Lord Bonkers' Diary: A generous dose of phosphorous about its jaws

For all I know Lord Bonkers may have been a friend of Conan Doyle's. Anyway, this second entry of the week provides insight into the general election campaign that you simply won't find anywhere else.

Tuesday

Given the above shambles, I feel far from guilty at having stolen an evening during the election to attend a fancy dress party in Finchley. The boarding instructions required one to dress as a character from literature, so being a stan (as the young people say) of Arthur Conan Doyle, I went as the Hound of the Baskervilles.

I hired my dog costume from a leading West End theatre and added a generous dose of phosphorous about its jaws. I was enjoying the party when there came a knock at the door. and as no one else showed any sign of doing so, I answered it, giving a playful bark as I did so.

I found myself faced with an actor fellow – I can’t remember his name, but he’s been in everything, including a film about a bear that was sent to prison. I have to say it struck me as Rather Far Fetched, not least because Liberal social reforms mean most bears are now diverted from the criminal justice system at an early stage.

Anyway, this actor johnny must have been in a bad way because, as soon as he saw me, he cried “It’s Rinka! Don’t kill me! I’m sorry!” and legged it towards Golders Green – but then in my experience these theatrical types are often highly strung.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary:

• Well, it was December