Lord Bonkers' Diary: A six pack of Smithson & Greaves

I'll be interested to see what Lord Bonkers makes of the Thornhill review. My own view is that it managed to sound more far-reaching and hard-hitting than it really was and I can't see the old boy agreeing that changes to party structures are the key to success in the future. He is more one for breaking out the exploding Focus leaflets.

Friday

To Mr Patel’s convenience store and newsagent’s in the village. I arrive to find the suitably spaced queue tailing back as far as the lychgate of St Asquith’s. We are all there with but one purpose in view: acquiring a copy of the admirable Dorothy Thornhill’s review of the Liberal Democrats’ 2019 general election campaign. 

As we shuffle forwards the early birds emerge from the shop perusing their copies and gasping or chuckling over what they find there. I spot some Well-Behaved Orphans ahead of me and send them packing – I’m not facing Matron if I they have nightmares after I’ve allowed them to buy a copy. 

Finally I reach the shop and its counter and secure one of the last copies, along with a six pack of Smithson & Greaves Northern Bitter. (It tastes better from the wood, but what can one do in these strange times?)

I then recline upon a bench beside the village green, open a can and settle down to see how Freddie and Fiona come out of the debacle. I find it is Not Terribly Well.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary

• "It's like a peach, dearie"
• The former has upped sticks to Seattle and the latter has fled to China
• Proper subjects such as Hard Sums
• I now resemble a beatnik