Lord Bonkers' Diary: Meadowcroft was heard to blow his nose loudly

The last time I spoke to Lord Bonkers he was full of his plans to travel round Britain. Since then I 've received only the odd postcard from him.

That is, until this diary was put through my door late one night. I heard it drop through the letterbox and looked to see who had have delivered it, but elves are good at blending with background foliage.

How long Lord Bonkers will be away, I do not know. Nor do I know if my flaky internet connection will allow me to post all these entries.

But here goes...

Meadowcroft was heard to blow his nose loudly

Summer was still young when I set out to discover England – and, indeed, Scotland, Wales and Ireland. I had in mind writing a book along the lines of Paddy Ashdown’s Beyond Westminster – or Beyond Our Paddy, as it was affectionately known to his many admirers. I still miss the man and those letters of his marked ‘Top Secret: Burn Before Reading.’

A gratifyingly large crowd had gathered on Oakham Quay that morning to see me leave Rutland aboard the Saucy Sarah Olney; Cook was inconsolable and even Meadowcroft was heard to blow his nose loudly. (The Well-Behaved Orphans, by contrast appeared to be Bearing Up Well.) How everyone waved as I sailed away!

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West. 1906-10.