Lord Bonkers' Diary: Lynched during the lunch interval

I am pleased to see such a clear condemnation of what happened at Lord's. As to the widely publicised reason for the closure of the Bonkers Hall Safari Park, Lord Bonkers has suggested on more than one occasion that "those nuns were the authors of their own misfortune".

Sunday

To St Asquith’s for Divine Service, with the happy consequence that I am not at Lord’s to witness the appalling scenes in the Long Room. Reports are still coming in, but it seems the Australians’ physiotherapist and reserve wicket keeper were lynched during the lunch interval. By all means let us play our cricket hard, but this was Going A Bit Far. 

Lord’s should not be allowed to host another test until the MCC has proved it can control its members. If an alternative ground has to be found, then we need look no further than my own here at the Hall. I will even undertake to have the grounds thoroughly searched for big cats – ever since the sudden closure of my safari park there has been a tendency for boundary fielders to disappear when the bowling is from the Pavilion End.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week...

• The other animals would lay their disputes before the kangaroos
• One of Violent Bonham Carter’s boys
• Ofwat, Ofgem, Ofthis, Ofthat
• Charabanc trips to the coast have been booked
• Sporting on its shore in animal skins