Lord Bonkers' Diary: Saturday

The week continues:

Saturday

I was sorry to hear of the fate of Shambo the bullock – could not a good sanatorium have been found for him?

Some have questioned the practice of keeping farm animals in religious communities, but here at St Asquith’s it does not seem strange to us. For as it says in the Bible (and I think rightly): “And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the suckling child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice’s den.”

We do not go quite that far – we did have a cockatrice once, but it had a foul temper and once bit the Bishop of Oakham on the buttocks – but we do keep pigs in the rearmost pews. When the Revd Hughes first came to us, he asked about the smell, but I was able to reassure him that they soon get used to the incense.

More from Lord Bonkers on his own website and on this blog.