Are you Ken Livingstone's love child?

Increasing numbers of people are discovering that they were fathered by the Mayor of London.

If you:

• have a dry sense of humour;
• employ members of obscure Trotskyite groupuscules in responsible positions;
• are fascinated by newts;

you may have been too.

If you suspect you are Ken Livingstone's love child, you should seek immediate professional help.

Boris Johnson is 43.