Lord Bonkers' Diary: David Grace vs the drones

Another day with Rutland's most celebrated fictional peer. These days, of course, David Grace looks more like a Rear Admiral than a Wing Commander.

Tuesday

I sometimes think if that it were not for sales of my own works – I run a scheme whereby estate workers can have the cost of them deducted from their wage packets – the bookshop in the village would have closed long ago. For these days the skies over it are black with squadrons of drones delivering books from a warehouse near Bletchley direct to their purchasers.

Last night we held a meeting in the village hall and passed a resolution that Something Must Be Done nem con. I know just the man to turn to: someone who saw off squadrons of social democrats in some of the most fiercely contested by-elections of the Alliance years will not be afraid of these flimsy craft without pilots.

So here I am at the aerodrome talking to Wing Commander David “Gracie” Graceworth as he sits at the control of his Bonkers Liberator – a fighter designed by the great Barnes Common himself. I helpfully remark that the best way of dealing with doodlebugs was to flip them over with the tip of your wing, but Gracie replies that he will “give the blighters a squirt and prang them in the custard”. I take this to mean he intends to shoot them down over Rutland Water, but it can be hard to tell with these RAF wallahs.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers's Diary

• I am the Lib Dems' new pastoral care office