Lord Bonkers' Diary: You’re unlikely to be there when you get there

Were Freddie and Fiona burnt alive in a giant wicker rabbit on the village green at Beltane or not? It looks as though the Sisters know more than they're letting on.

Friday

One does meet the most interesting people in Westminster. This morning it is the man who puts up the shelves at 10 Downing Street. With our new prime minister shelving so many of the plans he once boasted of, business has never been better for him. He is so flush that he stands me a drink, which I think very sporting of him. 

Being in Westminster, I think of Freddie and Fiona, particularly when I pass the tree behind which I used to hide if I suspected they wanted me for something. So, when I arrive back at the Hall, I hurry to the hills of High Leicestershire and the Convent of Our Lady of the Ballot Boxes to ask the Mother Superior if she knows what became of them. 

She is noncommittal, but as she lights our cheroots, she recalls that they mentioned something about “travelling to Tibet to find themselves”. I point out that Tibet is Very Hard To Get To, so you’re unlikely to be there when you get there. 

Better, I suggest, to look somewhere like Corby, which has good bus links, including an hourly service from the stop opposite the Bonkers Arms.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week

• Wah-wah brass and boings on the timpani
• Meeting Count Binface in Westminster
• Fifty Shades of Earl Grey
• They don’t shout “Get in the hole!”