Heidi low

The school-bans-conkers stories may have failed to appear this autumn, but here is an early sighting of a Santa-warned-over-abuse-fears one. The Daily Telegraph reports that:

Swiss Santa Clauses have been banned from sitting children on their laps because of the risk that they might be accused of paedophilia.

At least the story introduces us to the world's most unlikely trade union, The Society of St Nicholases, which "has 100 professional members".