Lord Bonkers' foreword to the new Liberator Songbook

Here is the old brute's foreword to the newly controversial Liberator Songbook published for tonight's Glee Club at the Liberal Democrat Conference.

Bonkers Hall

Tel. Rutland 7

I don’t know about yours, but here in Rutland our election night party Fell a Bit Flat. It was barely past midnight when the band struck up the Dead March from ‘Saul’ and things did not get much more cheerful after that.

When they invited requests, the pick of the pops proved to be ‘Nearer My God to Thee’ and ‘The End of the World’.

Not even my anecdote about Roy Jenkins and the lavatory brush, which normally brings the house down, could lift the mood.

The next morning, however, I had already determined that I should lead the Liberal Democrat fightback – so much so that I had the Well-Behaved Orphans out for Focus-delivering practice before breakfast. (Theirs, not mine, obviously.)

The most important thing now is to raise our party’s morale, and what is better for that than a good singsong?

Which is where the Liberator songbook comes in.

Within its pages you will find any number of songs carolling the principles and battle honours of Liberalism. Bellow them out with your neighbours and feel your spirits soar within you.

One irony is that last year I canvassed those amusing young people at Liberator to omit the song ‘Losing Deposits’ on the grounds that our party did not lose them anymore. You can’t say that now.

So I invite you to join me in a chorus of that song. You will probably have to turn over to find the words: I have them off by heart.

All together now…

Once a floating voter came across a tumpty tum,
Something to with a vote, isn’t it?
When he came out he something something Liberal.
Who’ll come losing deposits with me?

And the chorus!

Losing deposits, losing deposits
Who'll come a-losing deposits with me?
When he came out he something something Liberal.
Who'll come a-losing deposits with me?

Bonkers