Lord Bonkers' Diary: The noted East End gangster and philanthropist

When I came across this entry in the old boy's diary, with its characteristic interest in Evan Harris's long-running feud with the local peasantry and Eric Clapton's tribute to Layla Moran, I naturally assumed he was back to normal - using the term in its widest sense.

The noted East End gangster and philanthropist

After Sarah Greene’s victory I spent my days wandering the Oxfordshire countryside like the poet Arnold’s Scholar-Gipsy. I found the charred remains of the castle once occupied by Dr Evan Harris in the surprisingly mountainous country east of Abingdon – I fear those peasants with their pitchforks and flaming torches did for him in the end. I also met our own Layla Moran and played her the song composed in her honour by Eric Clapton. I employed the banjulele that I had carried with me all the way from Oakham.

At Sutton Courtenay I visited the graves of George Orwell – the only decent Blair the Socialists ever came up with – and H.H. Asquith. I was pleased to note that the latter resting place was decorated with floral tributes from his close relation, the noted East End gangster and philanthropist Violent Bonham Carter.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West. 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary

• Meadowcroft was heard to blow his nose loudly
• "We shall travel by the old roads"
• The beechwoods of the Chilterns
• Mounted elves and vegans
• "You should have stood down in more seats"