Lord Bonkers' Diary: As the deer graze beyond my ha-ha

We come to the end of a beaver-stuffed (and latterly badger-stuffed) week at Bonkers Hall. As far as I'm concerned, the new political season can't begin soon enough.

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Sunday

On my way home from Divine Service at St Asquith’s, I called at the beavers’ lodge. I casually broached the subject of my family’s long feud with the Dukes of Rutland, emphasising what rotters they have been over the centuries. “Sounds like we’d all be better off without ‘em,” remarked the elected spokesbeaver. 

At this point I dropped the King of the Badgers’ theory about Belvoir Castle originally being Beaver Castle into the conversation. Just as I had hoped, this gets him properly riled. “I’m calling a meeting and shall recommend immediate direct action,” he said, the light catching his sharp front teeth. He must have got the required two-thirds majority, because later in the afternoon I saw the entire colony marching north, armed and looking Terribly Fierce. 

So I write these words in their jacuzzi as the deer graze beyond my ha-ha. I don’t know whether the beavers will succeed in retaking Belvoir Castle and drive out the Dukes of Rutland – though I did pass on to them a map showing secret ways into the cellars of the old pile that the King of the Badgers found in his library – but they will be out of my hair for a while. 

As for the lake… Well, it is rather pretty and I have never been that fond of croquet.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week in Lord Bonkers' Diary

• The only estate in England with a breeding population of corkindrills
• My hereditary peer peers
• In case they get peckish during Lent
• The maintenance of the Rutland Union Canal
• Conservative members are now attacking their real enemy... each other
• My new friends with the webbed back feet and scaly tails