I asked Lord Bonkers for his comments:
That is the great thing about public school and varsity: your friends will help you out in later life if you find yourself in hot water.
Incidentally, too much is made of cannibalism in the South Pacific. In my experience of those lovely islands, it was rare.
The same, unfortunately, cannot be said of the Upper Welland Valley.Thanks to @philipjcowley and @markpack on Twitter.