Lord Bonkers' Diary: The foreskin of the fifth Earl of Roseberry

I am loath to contradict Lord Bonkers (not least because my rent falls due on Lady Day), but I have never understood why he is so certain that Tim Farron wants to rip the pews out of St Asquith's. Nor am I convinced that King Solomon is the source of that aperçu.

Perhaps it is just as well that today's entry brings to a close our latest week at Bonkers Hall.

Sunday

Though St Asquith’s is closed for the duration, I like to keep an eye on the old place if only to ensure that the Revd Hughes’s curate Farron has not had the pews ripped out preparatory to making us all kiss one another and sing "Shine, Jesus, Shine."

All is well, however, and I wander among the familiar fixtures and fittings: the Laws of Cricket embroidered on to wall hangings by the Excellent Women of the parish; the stained glass window depicting the bright Seraphim in burning row bearing Mark Bonham-Carter to Westminster that I commissioned to celebrate his victory in the Great Torrington by-election; the sacristy that houses the John Morley’s kneecap and the foreskin of the fifth Earl of Roseberry. Shall we ever return to normal life? 

I shall leave you with the words of King Solomon, whom most authorities consider to be up there with the Wise Woman of Wing: "This too shall pass."

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary

• "It's like a peach, dearie"
• The former has upped sticks to Seattle and the latter has fled to China
• Proper subjects such as Hard Sums
• I now resemble a beatnik
• A six pack of Smithson & Greaves
• "When they asked for something heavy I thought they meant T.H. Green"