We find Lord Bonkers on one of his favourite perches...
Monday
“We’re above the chimbleypots!” exclaims my young companion, taking in the view. Yes, you find me on the roof of St Asquith’s with a Well-Behaved Orphan, he being more accomplished at shinning down a drainpipe to summon help than most of my acquaintances.
For once, it’s not suspicion of the Elves of Rockingham Forest that has driven me up here – I know they claim to be able to turn base metal (i.e. lead) into gold, and also have a pretty shrewd idea where they find that lead, but they have not been seen selling their ‘gold’ jewellery around Rutland’s less salubrious car-boot sales lately.
No, it’s the leader of His Majesty’s Opposition I’m on the QV for, as I deduced from her disobliging remarks about people who mend church roofs that she’s more the sort to rip them off. Well, we don’t want her trying any of her tricks round here.
Fortunately, the afternoon proves uneventful, and I am grateful for the newspaper I brought to while away the time. As I turn a page, the orphan catches sight of a photograph of Nigel Farage and remarks: “Blimey! Was ‘is muvver frightened by a frog?”
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