Lord Bonkers' Diary: Wednesday

After Monday and Tuesday our Creator has placed:

Wednesday

What a worry these floods are! Today I visit Witney in Oxfordshire, where I meet the visiting leader of the Rwandan Conservative Party. A charming fellow, he feels it his duty to travel to help unfortunate people in other countries – notably those whose own elected representatives are not on hand to help. He also expresses a wish to meet “Mma Widdecombe” and I promise to put my good offices at his disposal.

Incidentally, I was very worried a few weeks ago when I heard that Hebden Bridge had been affected by flooding. How, I wondered, would it affect the Spring of Immortality? I have since been assured by one of those fellows with beards from the Birchcliffe Centre that all is well on the chalybeate front, but this is a good opportunity for me to put it on record that my longevity and habitual rude health is entirely due to the influence of this spring; there is no truth to the rumours one hears locally to the effect that my great-grandmother used to dally with the elves of Rockingham Forest.

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