Lord Bonkers' Diary: He never "got his shit together" to leave

I once went to a improvisation workshop where they said that referring back to something you've said earlier is naturally funny - it may be the first rule of comedy, Spike. So here we revisit both the Rutstock festival and Freddie and Fiona's cottage.

We leave Lord Bonkers plotting their downfall and awaiting the return of the Well-Behaved Orphans (unless they've all defected to Moscow). We'll visit him again on the Lib Dem Conference issue of Liberator.

Sunday

Reasoning that "Nature is God's living, visible garment" and “malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man”, I often take a turn about my estate and then call in at the Bonkers Arms after Divine Service at St Asquith’s. 

In my covers, I come across an ill-kempt fellow who appears to be living in a tent. (By coincidence, the Revd Hughes’s text this morning was “Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man.”) During our conversation it transpires that he came here for the Rutstock Festival all those years ago and has never “got his shit together” to leave. 

I can hardly expect him to afford a rent, but I emphasise that if he wishes to remain here then he must take on a challenging Focus round. I also suggest he pitches his tent in the garden of Freddie and Fiona’s cottage, where he will be much more comfortable and able to play his harmonica without disturbing my deer.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Earlier this week

• "Death to the Duke of Rutland’s Militia"
• The intelligence services like to recruit orphans
• "It’s only a few thousand quid each"
• "Ah, but we’re serious about being serious"
• The Stilton Path? I don't believe a word of it
• A memo to Oxfordshire Liberal Democrats