Lord Bonkers' Diary: A memo to Oxfordshire Liberal Democrats

I think Lord B. must have been watching this episode of Time Team. And I certainly remember him observing that we should only worry about Paul Tyler turning into the Beast of Bodmin every full moon [Lawyers advice: Add ‘allegedly’ somewhere here] if Liberal Democrat voters were disappearing at a greater rate than members of the electorate as a whole. 

Saturday

I spend the morning drafting a memorandum to some of the leading Liberal Democrats in Oxfordshire. You have probably heard that rewilding is all the rage, and it happened that I caught an old television programme about an archaeological dig in the county. 

The bones they found! Elephants. Mammoths. Bison. Lions. Imagine the tourists they would attract if they reintroduced these charismatic species to the Cherwell Valley. 

To soothe modern sensibilities, I add a section on health and safety. In it, I point out that we need only worry about residents being eaten if the rate of devourment is higher among Liberal Democrat voters than the population as a whole.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West 1906-10.

Earlier this week

• "Death to the Duke of Rutland’s Militia"
• The intelligence services like to recruit orphans
• "It’s only a few thousand quid each"
• "Ah, but we’re serious about being serious"
• The Stilton Path? I don't believe a word of it