Lord Bonkers' Diary: Charabanc trips to the coast have been booked

Lord Bonkers' magnanimity towards our Conservative opponents is legendary. By this I mean that many people have heard of it, but few have seen it - rather like the Rutland Water Monster.

Friday

Spare a thought for local Conservative associations planning outings for their members: where can they take them nowadays? The Isle of Man lost its attraction when birching was abolished, while the Jack Straw Memorial Reform School, Dungeness, which also used to be a popular destination, is to be repurposed as a ‘skills boot camp for the over-fifties’. 

The more affluent might think of Rwanda, but it looks unlikely that they will find any asylum seekers to gloat over when they get there. I am told that charabanc trips to the coast have been booked in the hope that the hulks will soon be in place, but most Tory branches are likely to fall back on that old favourite: allowing their members to crawl on their bellies across the lawn of their nearest Old Etonian MP.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week...

• The other animals would lay their disputes before the kangaroos
• One of Violent Bonham Carter’s boys
• Ofwat, Ofgem, Ofthis, Ofthat