Thursday, March 31, 2016

Lord Bonkers' Diary: The New Rutland Primaries

Another dispatch from Lord Bonkers recent visit to the United States.

The New Rutland Primaries

By now you will have heard the results of the New Rutland primaries, but I placed my bets as follows. In the Republican contest I put my money on a fellow who rejoiced in the name of ‘Trump’. He goes around in a Boris Johnson fright wig and is the sort of Fascist who would long ago have been debagged and thrown in a stream in the original Rutland, but he is all the rage with the Republicans over here.

My choice on the Democrat side was Hilary Clinton. She is the wife of the former President Clinton and, as such, has had A Lot To Put Up With. Her only rival for the Democrat nomination is one Bernie Sanders, who came bounding up to me at the Gladstone hustings. Did I know his brother, who used to be a Green councillor in Oxford?

It happens that I do know him. I once made the mistake of sitting opposite him at Paddington and was treated to a lecture on how methane generated by cows was causing the atmosphere to warm with the result that subsistence farmers in the Nazca Desert could not make a living and were turning to asparagus farming with the result that the polar ice caps were melting which meant the fishermen of Ullapool were unable to… At this point I bribed the guard to stop the train and put me off at Didcot.

My own address to the Democrat event went tolerably well and when I left town the next day aboard the 3.10 to Yuma, a little fellow called “Come back, Bonkers!” after me.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10

Earlier this week in Lord Bonkers' Diary...
  • Do you know New Rutland?
  • My old Friend Rising Star
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