Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Freddie and Fiona on the compost heap

Lord Bonkers puts his mind to the Liberal Democrats' financial woes and produces a novel solution.


Have you come across these new mobile telephones? They are Terribly Clever – you do not have to wait for someone to bring you the apparatus before you can have a conversation. This morning I receive a tearful call from Great George Street: it transpires that redundancies are in the air because the party’s finances are looking a distinctly unhealthy shade of green.

I promise my caller and her friends that I will ensure they are given beds at the Home for Distressed Canvassers in Herne Bay, but I wonder if the time has not come for more radical measures. Given the straits in which Clegg’s grand strategy have left the Liberal Democrats, should we be paying rent on expensive Westminster headquarters in the first place? Should we not move to somewhere which would not cost half as much? Somewhere like, purely for example, Rutland?

There are plenty of little-used outbuildings at the Hall which could easily be converted for use by the party. Equally, I am sure the horses would have no objection to sharing their quarters with our press officers (provided they do not eat the hay). And Meadowcroft has just offered to give Freddie and Fiona desk space in his potting shed if they help him with the compost heap when needed.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

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