Lord Bonkers' Diary: Commander Gideon, Dr Simon Sparrow and the girls of St Trinian's

Lord Bonkers continues to be untroubled by issues of low self-esteem. 

Those ubiquitous - and least on his estate - birds the hamwee and the wheway are named after Sally Hamwee (now a Liberal Democrat peer, but a Liberal councillor in Richmond when I first came across her) and Rob Wheway, a Liberal activist from Coventry.

Wednesday

You find me sousing in a deckchair and enjoying the view across my gardens to the moat. Swifts swoop low across the lawn, snapping up insects to feed their young in nests under the eaves of my stables; flocks of hamwees and wheways scuffle noisily, each convinced that the other started it; a volley of bucolic cursing from within a mature shrub tells me that Meadowcroft is hard at work. 

I have allowed myself a particularly lazy afternoon because I am rather proud of a line I phoned in to Davey’s office this morning for use at prime minister’s questions. Here’s my zinger: 

“First he came for our steelworkers and carmakers. Now Donald Trump is coming for our world-leading British film industry. Will the PM make it clear to him that if he picks a fight with Commander Gideon, Dr Simon Sparrow and the girls of St Trinian's, he will lose?”

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week...

• From the pubs of Oswestry to the crumbling walls of Ludlow
• Matron told me at the party last night