Lord Bonkers' Diary: Very much against buttocks

I tried telling the old boy that the Port of Dover has its own police force, whose relations with the Kent force has at times been opaque, but he was determined to give it both barrels this time.

Saturday

I am disgusted at the events in Dover. We used to know how to deal with these Blackshirt types – come to think of it, I believe there’s still a Wellington bomber in an outbuilding of some farm or other on my estate. I shall have it serviced, repainted and put at the disposal of the Chief Constable of Kent, who currently appears to have his priorities out of goose. No wonder Violent Bonham Carter staged his “spontaneous” bank jobs in Kent, though I don’t think even he was given a police escort back to the borders of London. 

In its way, though, the scene I encountered atop the White Cliffs back in the summer disturbed me more. A small group had dropped their trousers (or lifted their skirts) and were displaying their bare buttocks to the English Channel. When I asked what the dickens was going on, I was told it was a coach party of BBC staff, there to demonstrate the corporation’s abhorrence of the asylum seekers who arrive on this stretch of coast in small boats.

Said party seemed to be very much Auntie’s second XV – I recognised a minor Dimbleby, someone who may have been Moira Anderson and that was all. It would never have happened in Lord Rieith’s day, not least because, as I recall, he was very much against buttocks.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week

• Wah-wah brass and boings on the timpani
• Meeting Count Binface in Westminster
• Fifty Shades of Earl Grey
• They don’t shout “Get in the hole!”
• You’re unlikely to be there when you get there