Lord Bonkers' Diary: Abolishing the trolls on the Severn Bridge

What is that thump on the doormat? It is the conference issue of Liberator, complete with some fitting tributes to Simon Titley.

Which means it is time to begin another week at Bonkers Hall.

You have been warned.

Monday

I am delighted to read that the Welsh Liberal Democrats are proposing to abolish the trolls on the Severn Bridge. For many years I have been urging just this move upon them, but without any joy. “The time is not right,” said Mike German. “There are other priorities,” said Kirsty Williams. “Wibble, wibble: are both those feet mine?” said Lembit Opik.

It is certainly good news for travellers to and from the Principality. For myself, whenever obliged to cross the Severn, I obtained three billy goats from Chepstow Goats (“No ifs, no butts, good service”) and was able to ward the trolls off; others, perhaps less well prepared, have had less happy experiences.

Incidentally, I was once unable to obtain any billy goats when returning from giving a speech in Ystradgynlais and decided to improvise by summoning Nanny. I don’t know what she did to the trolls, but she certainly terrified me.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10.