Lord Bonkers' Diary: Luciana Berger di Lammermoor

I suspect that what those attending the Festival of Liberalism at Bonkers Hall really need to worry about is being robbed by the Elves of Rockingham Forest on the way home.

Saturday

The morning post arrives and with it a brochure for the Festival of Brexit Britain. I flick through it in a desultory way and find the programme pretty thin gruel – and as Chairman of the Board of Trustees of the Bonkers’ Home for  Well-Behaved Orphans I know a thing or two about thinning gruel. It turns you will be able to insult Belgians at the Empire Pool, Wembley, watch the Black and White Minstrel show at the Blackpool Tower Ballroom or attend the birching at the White City.

So I shall be holding my own Festival of Liberalism here at the Hall and flatter myself that I can offer a more attractive day out. There will be close-formation Focus delivering by a troop of crack activists from the West Riding of Yorkshire, a completion to find the dog that looks most like John Stuart Mill and a performance of Donizetti’s opera Luciana Berger di Lammermoor. Throw in a guest appearance by the Rutland Water Monster (I just hope she doesn’t eat any of those attending) and there is only one winner.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary:

• Well, it was December
• A generous dose of phosphorous about its jaws
• Congratulations to the Duke of Sussex
• Enormous quantities of honey
• The Alexandra Hall Hall Hall