Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Committing arson in His Majesty’s dockyards

I first met his lordship in the Bonkers' Arms:

“I’ll have a pint of Dahrendorf lag…”

“Don’t have that,” came a commanding voice from the corner. “I tried it once and I was going off like a pop gun all night.”

I looked over to see a brisk, ruddy figure in tweeds. Something about him was familiar. Was it from that cavalry raid on the Conservative committee room?

Got it! This was Lord Bonkers.

“Give the chap a pint of Smithson & Greaves instead,” he said, “and pull me another while you are at it, my dear.”


Scandal has engulfed a further three cabinet ministers. Their offences vary: one has been accused of selling the greater part of Wiltshire to Russian oligarchs; a second appears to have been doling out the chairmanships of government committees in return for the loan of twenty pounds till Friday; and the third is widely suspected of committing arson in His Majesty’s dockyards. Yet the airwaves are choked with Conservatives maintaining that there is no need for any of them to resign. 

Well, I beg to differ, and I find this evening that the balance of opinion in the public bar of the Bonkers’ Arms favours my side of the argument.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary

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