Friday, June 26, 2015

Lord Bonkers' Diary: "They’ll eat you for breakfast!"

It's all change at St Asquith's. I was sure I had stolen the line about Tim Farron believing that every word of the Liberal Democrat manifesto is the literal truth from someone on Twitter, but I cannot find the tweet.

"They'll eat you for breakfast!"

The Reverend Hughes calls at the Hall with some disturbing news. He has decided to hand in the keys of St Asquith’s for a while and go off on a Mission. “You ‘re not going to live with the headhunters of Borneo, are you?” I ask sternly, knowing what he was like when he got One of His Ideas. “I did think of that” he replies, “but it seemed so tame. No, I am convinced the Lord is calling me to convert the more primitive tribes of the Upper Welland Valley.” “Don’t be a fool, man,” I tell him. “They’ll eat you for breakfast,” but he is not to be moved.

I detest such disruptions to the smooth running of things here on the Estate and in the village. I remember when Meadowcroft (or was it his father?) got it into his head to go off to France and grow grapes. Whilst I was busy persuading him to return, a colony of moles established themselves on the lawn in front of the Hall. It took years – and several closely argued pamphlets from Meadowcroft – before I could get them to leave.

The Revd Hughes is not to be moved, and he tells me he has arranged for a locum vicar to take Divine Service and visit the sick whilst he is away. “He’s young and keen and believes every word of the Liberal Democrat manifesto is the literal truth.” I eye him levelly: “It’s not Farron, is it?”

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary
  • He had to Put a Bit on Top
  • Why the Liberal Democrats did so badly
  • Coffee with Freddie
  • Grant dines with Cleese, Cleese with Grant
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