Friday, June 14, 2024

Lord Bonkers' Diary: I imagine he found Africa pleasantly civilised after that

The new issue of Liberator - that's Liberator 423 - is on the magazine website. You can download it as a pdf free of charge.

Which means, you lucky people, that it's time to spend another week with Rutland's most celebrated fictional peer.

We find him returning from Africa to the news that a general election has been called.


Well, I got back just in time, didn’t I? 

Someone tipped me off that the government was offering a free holiday in Rwanda with plenty of spending money, so I put my hand up sharpish. It turned out that they were paying just for the outward flight, which was rather mean, but when the time came to head back to Rutland, I met an old Africa hand who took me by flying boat to Lourenço Marques, and I caught a jet home from there. 

The local firewater was potent and reasonably priced, so I arranged to have a few crates shipped over here – they should arrive at Oakham Quay in time to stiffen the sinews of Liberal Democrat canvassers in the final weeks of the campaign. 

The Wise Woman of Wing furnished me with a letter of introduction to a witch doctor of her acquaintance; he proved to be an Old Malburian – I imagine he found Africa pleasantly civilised after that. He kindly gave me some jackal bones with which to charm returning officers who look as though they are about to agree to a Conservative agent’s request for a recount. The accompanying dance is already sweeping the nightspots of Rutland.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

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