Thursday, July 31, 2008

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Felicity Kendal's bottom


The morning’s newspapers foresee choppy economic seas ahead; we shall all have to tighten our belts, batten down the hatches and so forth. It makes me glad that I had the wisdom to lay down a good cellar of Stilton many years ago and also that I went in for this self-sufficiency business at the same time – one can only save so much by watering the Orphans’ gruel.

I was inspired by watching The Good Life on the moving television – that amusing programme starring the delightful Felicity Kendal. Catching sight of it upon my set once, Meadowcroft described her bottom as resembling “two mommets a-canoodling”.

Be that as it may, she inspired me to live entirely on the produce of the Bonkers Hall Estate: bread made from flour ground from our own wheat; fish caught by my trawlers on Rutland Water; pineapples from my hothouses; and so on.

Rather proud of my achievement, I once invited that well-known environmentalist Malachy Dromgoogle to visit. I showed him all around the Estate and he then asked “But is it sustainable?” “Well, it certainly sustains me,” I replied.

Now read on...


Anonymous said...

Pish tush! You feign membership in the cult of La Kendal, but you can't even spell her surname! Just think of Mint Cake if it helps.
I always preferred Penelope Keith myself. I know, it's a sickness and I need help, but ...

Jonathan Calder said...

The posting has been subtly edited in the light of your comments.