Thursday, January 06, 2011

Liveblogging England's victory in the Sydney test

22:41 You join me in the Library at Bonkers Hall.

I am not holding a party with champagne and Tizer as I did for our last victory. In these days of austerity it behoves one to set an example - besides, have you seen the price of Tizer these days?

The wireless is warming up, I am wearing my MCC tie and Gentlemen of Rutland blazer and, so as not to be entirely alone, I have an inflatable E.W. Swanton in the chair opposite me.

Sláinte (as they say at Brig o'Dread).

22:45 The Uppingham tones of Jonathan Agnew reach me through the ether.

22:50 It is raining in Sydney. Typical low Aussie trick.

22:54 It is raining but the sun is shining - clear evidence of trickery of some sort.

22:58 While we are waiting for play to start, let us enjoy a short film...

23:02 Paul Collingwood leads England out in the sun.

23:04 The strains of Jerusalem reach me over the airwaves as Anderson opens the bowling. I seem to have something in my eye.

23:07 Anderson completes a maiden and its Tremlett to open the bowling from the Clive James end.

23:10 Meadowcroft has joined me to play Land of Hope and Glory on the clarinet. I turn down my ear trumpet.

23:12 Does anyone have Des Wilson's phone number?

23:14 It's 10 minutes now and we haven't taken a wicket. What has happened to us?

23:15 If they hold out much longer I would favour taking hostages.

23:20 It has been suggested to me that Des Wilson comes from New Zealand. No matter: deep down these fellows are all the same.

23:24 Far away in the Rutland night, a wolf howls.

23:25 Going off for rain!

23:28 I once made a fifty against Jacques Cousteau Undersea XI. We didn't worry about rain then. The Aussies should get their flippers on and go out an lose like gentlemen.

23:35 Nanny says it is long past my bedtime.

23:38 The covers are coming off. They will not escape us.

23:44 And now it is raining again! I think I shall have a doze until play starts. Meadowcroft is already snoring.

00:05 I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes. And we have play again.

00:09 Swann coming on from the Olivia Newton-John end. Good move.

00:17 It's a bit like waiting for the result of a by-election when the Acting Returning Officer is a stickler for procedure. But do not lose heart. England will win.

00:19 I think my inflatable E.W. Swanton has a slow puncture.

00:26 Syd Little out! c Anderson b Swann.

00:28 I permit myself a snootful of Auld Johnston, that most prized of Highland malts.

00:30 The Hilfenhaus School of Architecture was all the rage in the 1930s, but I never cared for it myself.

00:34 We are taking the second new ball. Up the snoot, Christopher!

00:36 In fact my inflatable E.W. Swanton is perfectly well. It is Meadowcroft who has the slow puncture.

00:39 An LBW shout, but the umpire is implacable.

00:40 Meadowcroft has gone off to his potting shed in anticipation of the shipping forecast... missing Hilfenhaus getting caught behind!

00:42 Our two previous innings victories took place during the shipping forecast. Can we make it a hat trick?

00:43 Sir Geoffrey Boycott is advancing the thesis that tailenders do not like it up them.

00:47 Beer on strike. This could be it!

00:49 Then again...

00:50 Anderson has hit Smith in the midriff. There is nothing at all funny about that. And now he has his 50.

00:54 Australia are hanging on grimly, but just one wicket is needed.

00:56 Beer Bowled!

England complete a third innings victory during the shipping forecast!

And so to bed.

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