Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Lord Bonkers' Diary: I am the Lib Dems' new pastoral care office

The new Liberator is out - or so Liberator's blog tells us - so it is time to spend another week with Rutland's most celebrated fictional peer. Lord Bonkers' Diary appears in each issue of the magazine, as it has done since 1990.

Looking at the subject of today's diary entry, I am struck once again by his ability to identify the most important issue of the day.


A busy day in my new capacity as Pastoral Care Officer of the Liberal Democrats. Reading from my early volume Frank Chats for Young Canvassers, I say: “Now that you are growing up, I expect you find yourselves doing things like cutting out photographs of Megan Lloyd George from the News Chronicle.

Let me reassure you: there is nothing wrong with such feelings. However, it is important that we do not allow them to get in the way of our Liberal activism. So rise early, take a cold tub, exercise with Indian clubs and then, if you still find yourself troubled by impure thoughts, ask your branch secretary for an extra Focus round to deliver. I assure you that, after that, you will have no energy left for beastliness of any sort.”

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10.

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