Tuesday, December 05, 2023

Lord Bonkers' Diary: All over the herbal tea market like a boss

One day we may discover what befell those nuns to cause the sudden closure of the Bonkers Hall Safari Park. I have, incidentally, never been wholly convinced that all the animals were rounded up that day, as I still hear tales of visiting teams' boundary fielders suddenly disappearing when they take on Lord Bonkers XI here at the Hall.

For the time being, I shall merely observe that there is nothing like the Dukes of Rutland suffering misfortune to brighten the old boy's day.


To London for the annual general meeting of the National Trust as I am seriously considering opening the gardens at the Hall to the public next year. The ill-feeling occasioned by the sudden closure of the Bonkers Hall Safari Park appears at last to have abated – really, you have one coachload of nuns involved in an unfortunate incident and you never hear the last – so perhaps it is time to dip a toe in the stately home racket again. 

I have brought Cook with me so she can place herself abreast of the latest developments in scone technology – the Wise Woman of Wing is all over the herbal tea market like a boss, so I need not worry about that side of things. 

Me? I am, at Meadowcroft’s insistence looking for information on security fencing – he keeps going on about the possibility of visitors harming his cherished Rutland flytrap. To be candid, I am more anxious to see that the thing does not get loose and give the gutter press something else with which to blacken my name.

First, however, come the results of the Trust’s internal elections and the news that the Duke of Rutland’s daughter, together with the rest of her miserable slate, has been defeated. Reader, I simply roared.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week in Lord Bonkers' Diary...

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