Sunday, March 19, 2017

Lord Bonkers' Diary: The Rutland banana

The end of our week at Bonkers Hall. I can confirm that the Rutland banana does exist, but they are buggers to peel.


One hears a lot of nonsense about the European Union demanding that bananas should be straight. Have the people who promulgate this untruth never heard of the Rutland banana? It can be found growing wild by the road in the humid south of Rutland, but the best specimens are those nurtured by Meadowcroft in his glass houses here at the Hall.

This fruit is twisted like a corkscrew can indeed be used for removing a stubborn cork from the neck of a bottle of Dom Foster. Not only that: it can be used to pick locks. Which is why I am able to save the day at St Asquith’s this morning when the choir and congregation finds itself locked out. (I generally bring a snack along in cast the Revd Hughes Goes On A Bit.)

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