Lord Bonkers' Diary: Lucretia Berger and Anna Soubrette

I am afraid the old brute is not at all impressed by Britain's newest political party, I would not advise them to put up in the Bonkers Hall ward just yet.

Friday

Last time I called in at the Lib Dem Whip’s office at the Commons, I found several of our MPs dressed in rucksacks and hiking boots. When I asked what they were up to, I was told they were off to deliver leaflets for something called ‘The Independent Group’.

So I made it my business to look into it. I discovered from someone in the Lobby that this group’s members include Lucretia Berger and Anna Soubrette. “Do you know Mike Gapes?” asked the journalist. “Yes,” I replied, “I am afraid he does.”

I was told, however, that the shaker and mover behind the group is one Chucky Umami, so I curled up with a pamphlet he has just published. It soon transpired that he is one of these hearty public school types who want to send the nation’s youth off to camp. Sleeping under canvass; washing up in a bucket of cold water; doing PT with your shirt off… You know the type.

By the time I had finished reading, it I was clear that the man is worse than that. He wants to haul in the country every teenager off to the Jack Straw Memorial Reform School, Dungeness. Why in Gladstone’s name are our people delivering for him?

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Earlier this week....

• Suspended by the bigwigs
• Mike and Bernie Sanders
• Remembering my horse trials
• What are you doing with yourself these days?