Friday, July 17, 2009

Lord Bonkers' Diary: Rutland's nuclear deterrent

Today Lord Bonkers shares some insights on subatomic physics.


Clegg, I read in the Manchester Guardian, has declared that a Liberal Democrat government (and it can be only a matter of months before we have one) will not renew Trident.

Good for him. I have long believed that Britain simply cannot afford an independent nuclear deterrent; it costs so much that we may as well drop flaming bales of £50 notes upon our enemies.

Here in Rutland we have, of course, never had nuclear weapons (we did try splitting atoms but found them terribly fiddly), but have on occasion found it useful to give the impression that we do. At times of international crisis, the Rutland Water Monster is asked to wear a cardboard conning tower so that she resembles a submarine. The effect is strikingly realistic and quite enough to fool any passing Zeppelin.

Previously on Lord Bonkers' Diary


dreamingspire said...

Does the noble Lord have any views on the usefulness or otherwise of that new element Copernicium? It lives for hardly any time at all, not even enough to disturb the water. Rather less than its alter ego, Copernicus, did for us.

Jonathan Calder said...

I asked Lord Bonkers.

He said he doubts that it will catch on as it sounds more trouble than it is worth.