Thursday, June 27, 2019

Lord Bonkers' Diary: "The box is much bigger inside than it looks from the outside"

There have always been those who worry about Lord Bonkers' advanced age, but it has never worried me. The problem, I increasingly feel, is my own age. Suddenly my topical references aren't so topical. Can you believe I have readers who don't remember Graham Tope's victory in the Sutton and Cheam by-election?

But how to account for Lord Bonkers' apparent immortality? When asked, he always puts it down to his annual trips to bathe in the spring of eternal life that bursts from the hillside above the former headquarters of the Association of Liberal Councillors in Hebden Bridge. That and the cordial the Elves of Rockingham Forest sell to him at a distinctly steep price.

Recently, however, a reader put another theory to me: could it be that the old boys is a Time Lord? It would explain a lot, and it seems he is not the only one to whom this idea has occurred.

Anyway here is the final entry from our current visit to the old boy.


A couple of excitable fellows surprise me at my lodge gates. “Is it true you are extremely old and travel with companions fighting evil?” asks one and I reply that he has put it rather well. “And did you once hold a meeting of the whole parliamentary Liberal Party in your telephone box?” asks the other. When I admit that this is indeed the case, they exclaim together “I knew it!” and rush off.

Anxious to point out that the party was at a low ebb at the time and that this was a telephone box of my own design that also included a library, billiard room and an offset litho machine for printing Focus leaflets, I call after them “The box is much bigger inside than it looks from the outside!” They punch the air and dance with glee.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South West, 1906-10.

Previously in Lord Bonkers' Diary

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